One morning an image came to my mind.
I was in grade 6. I was mad at my mother. At that day there was the dress fitting at our school for the junior high uniform. Parents were invited to come so that they could order the right size with their own children. My mother forgot about it.
I was waiting for my mother. My friends were all dressing with their parents and making the order beside me. The time came to the end, and she didn’t show up.
After I went home, I complained her about it. She just said ‘Oh, I forgot’, which made me angry.
Now having my own children, I understand the communication system between the school and parents via children is not so convenient. Kids lose things, don’t give the note on time, just leave somewhere without saying anything, etc. (Even an adult does so why can I blame a child…)
Looking back, I am now not so sure if I gave the notes from school to my mom in the manner that worked for her. Maybe I just left it on a kitchen table without saying anything, assuming she should see it, just like my own kids do now to me!
Maybe it was not so fair to my mother to be blamed like that, but I didn’t understand it at that time.
Following the vision, the idea came to my mind.
I was angry because she didn’t meet my expectation, but the true cause of the anger was my fear. I was scared about being left alone. I was afraid of not being cared and loved. I wished my mother would protect me more. I wished her to be my security.
When someone is angry, there may be his fear behind. It is scary to be left out. The larger the person’s fear is, the bigger her desperation to grab someone’s hand is.